Building Confidence in Children {Guest Post}

This is a guest post by Eirian Hallinan that I found particularly interesting as I often wonder what can be done to help ensure that I'm raising confident, independent children:

Are you helping or hindering your child’s self-esteem and feelings of confidence? Say your child tries to carry their bowl of food and a beaker of juice across the room, then trips and spills everything. Do you say ‘I told you not to do that! Now see what you have done!’ It is tempting but it would be much more helpful to say something like ‘Oh dear, you tried, but it didn’t work. Don’t worry. Next time you can try carrying things one by one’.

This way your child is not made to feel worse than he already does for failing at trying to do something. Also, it is important to bear in mind that it is not only what your child directly hears you saying but what he also overhears you telling other people like, ‘he’s so clumsy!’ or ‘he never learns’. This can leave the child feeling that this is the absolute unchangeable truth.

It is difficult in a stressful moment when something has just been broken or spilt to take a breath, be calm and resist the urge to blurt out, ‘You’re so stupid!’ or ‘I am sick of repeating myself! You never listen!’ Do try though, to remember that too many negative words and reactions can damage children by instilling in them a sense of being stupid, useless or unvalued.

Talking negatively about yourself can also damage your child’s confidence. Children emulate their parents and adults close to them. If these adults overreact to situations or have a negative/extreme reaction to stressful circumstances, then it can lead the child to feeling that the adult cannot handle the pressures of everyday life. In turn, they too will not feel confident dealing with problems in life and will feel unequipped to tackle everyday challenges.

The following can hinder a child’s confidence:

• Aggression, using shouting and swearing

• Cruel teasing and being sarcastic to them

• Purposely making fun of your child and how he feels

• Constant nagging and criticism

• Unkind statements and insults

• Saying you wish they had never been born

• Saying you don’t love them

It makes sense to do all you can to build your child’s confidence and attitude which is positive and optimistic. Here are some ideas to do this, along with instilling in them a strong feeling of self-esteem:

• Laugh with your child but not at him

• Show your child that you believe in him to be a worthwhile and lovable human being

• Be generous with your praise and admiration

• Reassure your child that it is OK to make mistakes, it is normal and how we all learn

• Really listen to your child so he feels he is being heard and can communicate with you

• Acknowledge his feelings so again, he feels he is being heard

• Respect your child’s interests even if they are not that interesting to you. Show a genuine interest in what is going on in their lives

• Criticize behavior, not your child. Make it clear to him that it is the action of type of behavior that is wrong or unacceptable not him

• Rather than disregard an anxiety by brushing it aside or not feeling it is that important, listen to your child and offer to help with any struggle he is experiencing

• Encourage your child’s independence! Let him try new things, even if he makes mistakes. The feeling of accomplishment learning to do something new can accelerate the child’s confidence

• Focus on your child’s achievements and successes in their lives not the things they are less successful at

• A damaged, unconfident child could possibly benefit from CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)

These tips can help your child grow into a resilient, confident individual who feels equipped to cope with the challenges and pressures of life. A strong and confident adult has a better chance of happiness, as he has the foundations to grab life courageously and live it to the fullest without being hampered by unhelpful feelings of negativity and self-doubt.

(I was compensated in exchange for sharing this post)

The Appreciation Station from Giant Party Store {Review & Giveaway}

{This giveaway is now closed. Congratulations, LyndaB!}

The older my kids get, the more that I discover that this parenting thing? It sure doesn't seem to get any easier. Once we've passed one difficult stage (e.g. not sleeping through the night) we seem to arrive at the next (e.g. becoming a picky eater). And as much as I'm looking forward to being finished with the "kid issues" that we deal with now, I don't even want to begin to think about the "tween and teen issues" that we have coming up.

To hopefully make life a little easier around here, I try to remember to encourage and compliment my kids when I see that they're displaying positive behavior... in hopes that it will lead to more, right? Well, sometimes it seems like a little, "Great job! I like the way that you played nice/shared/used your manners/helped your sister!" works and sometimes it doesn't. Everyone likes to know that their words or actions are really appreciated, don't they?

Which is precisely where the Appreciate Station Treasure Chest from Giant Party Store comes in and makes things so much more fun and rewarding.

Perfect for at home, school, daycare or more, the Appreciation Station is an eye-catching and colorful way to reward children for good behavior - who wouldn't want a gift from a treasure chest? Measuring 16" x 14" x 11" this plastic molded box of goodies is simple to fill and use and, best of all, can be completely customized to the age or interests of each child.

As I unpacked the Appreciation Station and the separate box of goodies that came with it, I was amazed at just how much came included with this complete package.

With over 200 small prizes (such as yo-yos, erasers and small toys), filling up the 28 capsules was a breeze with plenty of items left over for future use.

However, as well as using the small prizes that come included (or any of your own), I really like that the Appreciation Station comes with two full pads of blank coupon papers where you could write in your own special ideas to reward your child. For instance, watching a favorite movie, an afternoon of baking cookies together or, one that Big Sister E would really love, being read extra books at bedtime. The sky's the limit!

After filling the capsules, it took me only a few minutes to assemble the Treasure Chest by sliding the inner tray into place. Then, after simply dropping each capsule into its colored lane, I placed the top on and it was ready to go.

The concept is easy: once the child has done something positive, they receive a token to get a reward. With four different color tokens (and capsules), it is up to the parent or teacher to decide if each color has a different level of prize (so that the child would have to display extra good behavior to receive the "higher" colors) or if they are all the same.

When the child receives their token, the take it to the Appreciation Station and place it right into the slot that matches. By pushing it in, the bottom capsule in that lane gets knocked off of the inner platform and is dropped down for the child to retrieve. The tokens end up in a tray right into the Treasure Chest and can easily be pulled out and reused again and again.

Voilà! Children easily understand that their positive behavior leads to a fun prize and, as time goes on and they continue to partake in those types of actions, it begins to become second nature to want to continue to "be good." And with how easy it is to reuse and refill the capsules, you can alter or tweak them to whatever works best.

So, whether you use small trinkets or candy, I do really like the way that the Appreciation Station can work for any family. You could even fill the capsules with numbered pieces of paper and have the child need to add them up to reach a certain amount in order to receive a new video game or larger toy. However you decide, this Treasure Chest is a unique and fun way to do it and, as it retails for only $29.99, it is a small investment for a lasting improvement in your child's choices and actions.

With just about everything you need for all types of parties and celebrations (the Appreciation Station would be great at a pirate party!), Giant Party Store has the top quality products to help you achieve your dreams. By providing ideas and solutions to make your party-planning easy and stress-free, you'll always end up with a positive experience for everyone involved.

Plus, thanks to their generosity, one person will be able to show the child(ren) in their life just how much fun it can be to be on their best behavior, because...

One lucky person will win the Appreciation Station from
Giant Party Store!

To enter to win: Visit Giant Party Store and tell me which of their supplies or decorations would be fun to have in your house or for your next party.

Extra Entries (available after the mandatory entry above is completed; please leave a separate comment for each entry in order for them to be counted).

1 Extra Entry if you Like Giant Party Store on Facebook.
1 Extra Entry (per giveaway entered) - Enter any (or all) of the giveaways running on Thanks, Mail Carrier for the duration of this giveaway.
1 Extra Entry if you follow me on Twitter and tweet about this giveaway by copying and pasting the tweet below and leaving me the link. Tweet daily for an extra entry every day!

WIN the Appreciation Station (ARV $30) and reward positive behavior in a fun way! #thxmailcarrier http://bit.ly/eMOjA2 #giveaway #win

2 Extra Entries (per follow method) if you follow me with Google Friend Connect, subscribe to my RSS feed, subscribe to Thanks, Mail Carrier by email or become a fan on Facebook.
3 Extra Entries if you put my cute button up on your blog. Please leave an address where it can be found.
3 Extra Entries if you blog about this giveaway linking back to Thanks, Mail Carrier and Giant Party Store. Please leave an address where it can be found.

Giveaway will end on January 21st at 11:59pm CST. Do me the favor of leaving an email address or making absolutely sure it is visible in your profile, I have to have a way to contact the winner. The winner will be chosen by random.org and announced here as well as emailed and will have 48 hours to contact me or respond to notification or a new winner will be chosen. This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only.

A big thank you to Giant Party Store for providing the Appreciation Station for me to review as well as for one lucky giveaway winner. The opinions shared are my own and honest and if you really need to see more, click here to see how I roll.

Santa's Secretary: Letters From Santa {Review}

I can still remember that feeling of waking up on Christmas morning. You know the one, right? Where there is the split second as your mind is starting to twitch, trying to tell you that there is something special about that day... and then BAM! It hits you: It's Christmas!

I don't know about you, but jumping up out of bed and rushing into the living room to assess the change in presents couldn't be done fast enough and, even if I was the first one awake, I would stand there in the silence just soaking it in. There's something so magical about believing in the possibility of Santa that, even when I knew the truth, still made the whole idea fun.

Which is why I love passing on that amazement to my daughters and look forward to many years of seeing the wonder and joy on their faces as the holiday season grows near. And what better way to bring a little extra delight and enchantment to the holiday season than with a letter from the big man himself? Not just any old letter, mind you, an ultra-personalized, treasure-this-always letter brought directly to your child from Santa's Secretary.

When it comes to a letter from Santa, the only ones that I have ever seen or read before have been... nice. Just fine. Dear Johnny, hope you've been good. Don't forget that I'm watching, be nice to your brother/sister, clean your room. Love, Santa. I guess if you can call that personalized, then... well, okay.

Santa's Secretary is different and by different, I mean the top of the line when it comes to Santa letters. Instead of just inputting the standard things like name, age and hometown and having them copied and pasted into a form letter, a letter from Santa's Secretary is thorough, detailed and customized for each individual child.

After first browsing the differences between a Standard Package and a Deluxe Package (those being a fun postcard from Santa that arrives in the summer and a cool wax seal on the back) and the colorful stationary options, I was impressed with the questions included in Santa's Secretary personalization form. Again, more than just the basics, this site wants to know about your child's friends, accomplishments, hobbies, Christmas wish list and more.

Once I filled out all of Big Sister E's information, there wasn't much more to do than sit back and wait for the mail to come. And, when it did, the added details of this Santa letter were apparent before it was even out of the envelope.

Addressed right to Big Sister E, this letter had a return address of Santa Claus at the North Pole (where else?) and was even postmarked from there! For any child that might be doubting that this came right from the big man himself, how could they not believe when they see those?

As soon as Big Sister E saw her name and Santa's stamp, she could barely wait to get her letter open... so much so that she ripped a chunk out of the letter itself in her excitement to open the envelope.

When she finally handed over the letter for me to read to her, both Big Sister E and I were amazed at how well it was tailored just for her. Having told Santa's Secretary some of the positive and negative behaviors that happen in our household, I loved seeing them worded in such a great way throughout the letter to show that both Santa and her parents were very proud of her but with encouragement to work on certain issues.

When I was done reading, Big Sister E had a look of complete amazement on her face and proceeded to look over her letter again and again, talking about all of the things that Santa had told her.

"Are you going to try to do what Santa asked?" I questioned. The response? A vigorous head nod and an immediate discussion about how she wanted to be an extra-good girl now that she knew that Santa was watching. Success! Both for positive behavior and for instilling the belief in the big guy knowing and caring about her personally!

I couldn't think of a better way to add in the magic of Christmas and Santa Claus to any child's life than with a letter from Santa's Secretary. In my mind, Santa symbolizes joy and love and how better to make children feel so completely special than to know that he cares about each and every one of them?

Considering how excited Big Sister E was over her letter (she even immediately pulled out a card to write back to Santa), I can understand why there are so many positive reviews from Santa's Secretary customers. This is a site that you'll want to order your Santa letters from for years to come - the letters will be able to be even more personalized as Santa references changes from the past. What a great tradition!

Want to thrill the lucky child in your life with a custom letter from Santa's Secretary? You had better hurry! The last day to order one of these fantastic and affordable letters (the Standard Package is only $9.95!) is coming up soon - December 1!

(Other than the personalized letter that Big Sister E was sent by Santa's Secretary, I was not provided with anything or enticed to do this review in any way. This review is solely my opinion of this website and their wonderful products.)

TimeBuddy {Review & Giveaway} Teaching kids time management skills for life

{This giveaway is now closed. Congratulations, hmb!}

When Big Sister E was a baby, we had friends who would tease my husband and I about how much we worked to keep her on a schedule. She napped at the same time every day and went to bed at the same time every night, so even if we were out having a good time, when the clock started creeping close to those times, we would pack up and head home anyway.

Needless to say, it was worth putting up with the good-natured ribbing because Big Sister E was (and still is) an excellent sleeper and does a pretty darn good job of transitioning from one part of our day to the next. That's not to say that every day has to be exactly the same or that the world would come to an end if bedtime was pushed back, but in general having a schedule has worked wonders for us for both kids.

However, I'll admit that time management is just a hard thing for children to grasp. The concept of why they have to stop doing something fun or how come it's bedtime already is something that most all parents have to deal with... and wish we didn't. Fortunately, the creative people over at GoLearn Toys have come up with a visual solution to helping teach kids the lifelong skills they need in order to organize and schedule their day with TimeBuddy.

Designed for kids between the ages of 3 and 7, TimeBuddy is a battery-operated activity clock that, as the dial moves through the 24 hours in a day, points to visual icons for cues as to when to start and stop certain activities. As it is completely customizable with 150+ reusable stickers depicting pretty much everything you can think of, you and your child can personalize your TimeBuddy until it works perfectly for your lives.

As an added feature to reinforce the visual cues, TimeBuddy also has an alarm that can be set for three different times during the day. Whether your child needs help waking up or a reminder that it is time to clean up at the end of the day, you simply use the LCD clock and set the alarm for the time(s) you would like it to alert your child.

And when it is time for the alarm to go off, TimeBuddy has multiple options of what it can say (as well as your choice of speaking in English, Spanish or French). The factory-programmed messages are cute and cheery and you can even record your child's name so that it is included right along with the words. Or, for even more personalization, TimeBuddy has a user-recorded message function that allows parents or grandparents to record their own 15 seconds of speaking.

Even before knowing all of that information about what TimeBuddy is or does, Big Sister E was still overly excited to get it out of the box and see all that it could do.

Right away she and I were impressed by the large number of stickers that were included and got right to work on customizing our TimeBuddy with the times and activities that occur during our typical days.

Beginning with the rim color (no surprise that Big Sister E chose blue, that has been her long-standing favorite), I moved on to adding the night designation sticker while Big Sister E browsed the activity symbols. I have to admit that, being used to a traditional analog clock, my brain had a hard time grasping the concept of TimeBuddy showing 24 hours... which resulted in me placing some stickers on and then having to go back and move them around later.

That aside, setting up TimeBuddy with Big Sister E was fun and easy. "Which one means breakfast to you?" I'd ask, waiting while she pondered over the various food stickers. "What do you do before bed?" I'd prompt her, waiting until she excitedly pointed out the image of a showerhead. No matter what tasks you are working on, from getting dressed to playing outside to practicing the piano, I liked the way that TimeBuddy can work for any child.

Now, instead of hearing, "Is it dinnertime, yet?" or "When's Daddy getting home?" Big Sister E just has to look at TimeBuddy to know how much longer she has to wait. I love that the stickers can easily be moved or swapped out as your child gets older, as I can really see how useful this will be in the future for designating homework time, playtime and more.

Fun, easy to use and completely customizable, TimeBuddy even comes with a cute activity book and four markers to add to the educational aspect of this product. Instead of dealing with whining, complaining or frustration over transitions, this is a great solution and teaching aid for children to learn about daily routines and build a foundation for good time management skills.

As an added bonus, coming soon to TimeBuddy's Twitter and Facebook pages parents will be able to get advice on children, time management and how to best use TimeBuddy (and have the opportunity to ask questions) with Penny Bernath, a Child Psychologist for PBS Channel 2 in Miami. What a great way to make an innovative product even more useful!

All that's left is to head over and buy an award-winning TimeBuddy for the child in your life... but, wait. Shopping is better with a discount, right? From now until October 31, 2010, enter the coupon code tmc140blog and receive free shipping when you order TimeBuddy directly from their website! Plus, thanks to the generosity of GoLearn Toys, one person will have a way to put their child on the path to lifelong time management, because...

One lucky person will win a TimeBuddy of their own! ARV $34.99!

To enter to win: Visit TimeBuddy and tell me something that you learned as well as why this would be a helpful item at your house.

Extra Entries (available after the mandatory entry above is completed; please leave a separate comment for each entry in order for them to be counted).

1 Extra Entry (per method) if you follow TimeBuddy on Twitter and/or Like them on Facebook. 1 more Extra Entry if you leave this message on their wall: TimeBuddy is the unique and innovative way to teach time management to kids! I just entered to win one at Thanks, Mail Carrier! http://bit.ly/9UiHao
1 Extra Entry (per giveaway entered) - Enter any (or all) of the giveaways running on Thanks, Mail Carrier for the duration of this giveaway.
1 Extra Entry if you follow me on Twitter and tweet about this giveaway by copying and pasting the tweet below and leaving me the link. Tweet daily for an extra entry every day!

#WIN TimeBuddy (ARV $35) the innovative way to teach kids time management from @GoLearnToys! @thxmailcarrier http://bit.ly/9UiHao #giveaway

2 Extra Entries (per follow method) if you follow me publicly with Google Friend Connect, subscribe to my RSS feed, subscribe to Thanks, Mail Carrier by email or become a fan on Facebook.
3 Extra Entries if you put my cute button up on your blog. Please leave an address where it can be found.
3 Extra Entries if you blog about this giveaway linking back to Thanks, Mail Carrier and TimeBuddy.

Giveaway will end on October 29th at 11:59pm CST. Do me the favor of leaving an email address or making absolutely sure it is visible in your profile, I have to have a way to contact the winner. The winner will be chosen by random.org and announced here as well as emailed and will have 48 hours to contact me or respond to notification or a new winner will be chosen. This giveaway is open to residents of the U.S. and Canada only.

A big thank you to GoLearn Toys for providing a TimeBuddy for me to review as well as for one lucky giveaway winner. The opinions shared are my own and honest and if you really need to see more, click here to see how I roll.

GIVEAWAY: My Reward Chart by Little Billies, a Positive Parenting Tool ($25 Gift Certificate)

{This giveaway is now closed. Thanks to those who entered!}

A year or so ago, I came upon multiple accounts from moms talking about how three was a much "harder" age than two. I scoffed a little bit but, at the same time, my mind started to panic. Big Sister E wasn't completely a Terrible Two's child, but honestly, she wasn't that far from it. How could three be worse? I couldn't fathom it possible.

Now that we are partway through three, I understand.

All of the same issues that we had when Big Sister E was two are still here, except it seems that more have surfaced. Add to that the fact that she is twice as stubborn and has to test each and every limit and... well, there are days that motherhood isn't so much fun. I'm completely baffled when "No, I do it MYSELF," as she snatches the pajamas from my hands is followed immediately by "I need HELP! I no know HOW to do it!" and wonder what in the world I could have done to prevent the inevitable oncoming storm.

I don't want to spend my time focusing on what she should NOT be doing and how she should NOT be acting, but it's just harder to point out the positives sometimes. Now, thanks to Little Billies, encouraging the behaviors that I want to see is just so much easier.


Mother of two, Sarah Dawson, created Little Billies in 2006 when she was looking for a tool to not only positively reinforce her son's behavior, but one that would actually engage him and make him want to behave better. From there, her innovative Reward Charts were invented and later followed by Routine Charts, Visible Schedules and more to help children and parents learn and grow together.

As all of the parts to Big Sister E's My Reward Chart are magnetic (the chart itself as well as the reward sticker-magnets), she was eager to find a place for it on our refrigerator. She and I sat down and looked at the brightly-colored magnets and talked about what was shown in each picture and what it meant in terms of her behavior.

I appreciated having the Parents Tips for Use sheet with us because the suggestions for each magnet were really helpful and yet, the images and words displayed on the magnets can easily be adapted to whatever works best for us. Combining generic terms with simple visual cues, the magnets can have alternative meanings as life changes and children develop.

For instance, the Good Sleep magnet doesn't need to mean just taking a nap or going to sleep on her own because Big Sister E does a great job at those already. Instead, we talked about not complaining when it is nap time and doing a great job of staying in her room in the morning if she is awake before everyone else. In the future, when she no longer takes a nap, maybe it will mean playing quietly while Little Sister B is taking one or, when it is time, having a good transition from a toddler bed to a bigger bed.

Big Sister E easily understood the concept of her good behavior leading to putting the magnets on the chart and working towards her prize. Asking her what she would like that prize to be, I wasn't surprised when "COOKIES!" was the answer. After a trip to the grocery store where she could pick out her own mix, the next morning a batch of oatmeal raisin prizes were baked (and the spoon was sufficiently licked).

Still needing work on her delayed gratification skills, Big Sister E was immediately eager to fill up her chart. "I put these away?" She asked me, pointing at the random plastic cups and containers that Little Sister B had pulled out of a kitchen drawer. I nodded and she quickly stuck them back in, rushing back to the chart afterward and pointing at the Packing Up magnet. My husband could only laugh.

Since that day, using a My Reward Chart with Big Sister E has not only helped her work on her good behavior, it has made her WANT to act better - something so much more important. Whether your child is younger or a little older, there are two different stages of My Reward Chart to choose from (stage 1 is for 2+ and stage 2 is for 4+), multiple sizes and styles to choose from and magnets for all aspects of growing up.

In an effort to make parenting a positive experience, Little Billies has created products that are affirming for both children and adults. At the end of the day, I'm much happier having rewarded my daughter for waiting patiently, sharing nicely and using good manners instead of having had to take away her toys or continually put her in a time-out. It's a much better situation for all of us and I get to enjoy my sweet, loving girl so much more!

Thanks to the generosity of Little Billies, one person will get to select the parenting tool(s) that will work best for their child because...

One lucky person will win a $25 gift certificate to Little Billies!

To enter to win a $25 gift certificate to Little Billies: Check out all of the wonderful products at Little Billies and tell me which one you would love to own. Do me the favor of leaving an email address or making absolutely sure it is visible in your profile, I have to have a way to contact the winner.

Extra Entries (available after the mandatory entry above is completed; please leave a separate comment for each entry in order for them to be counted. For example, if you subscribe, leave one comment saying "I subscribe #1" and a separate comment saying "I subscribe #2")

1 Extra Entry (per method) if you follow Little Billies on Twitter, follow the Little Billies blog with Google Friend Connect and/or send an email to subscribe to the Little Billies newsletter.
1 Extra Entry (per giveaway entered) - Enter any (or all) of the giveaways running on Thanks, Mail Carrier for the duration of this giveaway.
1 Extra Entry if you follow me on Twitter and tweet about this giveaway by copying and pasting the tweet below and leaving me the link. Tweet daily for an extra entry every day!

$25 gift card to Little Billies - positive parenting tools reinforce good behavior! @thxmailcarrier http://bit.ly/by4Xjd #win #giveaway

2 Extra Entries (per follow method) if you follow me with Google Friend Connect, subscribe to my RSS feed or subscribe to Thanks, Mail Carrier by email.
3 Extra Entries if you put my cute button up on your blog. I've moved! Please update your button code! Please leave an address where it can be found.
3 Extra Entries if you blog about this giveaway linking back to Thanks, Mail Carrier and Little Billies. Please leave an address where it can be found.

Giveaway will end on February 25th at 11:59pm CST. The winner will be chosen by random.org and announced here as well as emailed. The winner will have 48 hours to contact me or respond to notification or a new winner will be chosen. Giveaway open worldwide - if you're reading this, you can enter!

A big thank you to Sarah at Little Billies for providing a My Reward Chart for me to review as well as a $25 gift card for one lucky giveaway winner. Positive reinforcement is so important - and now easy to do! The opinions shared are my own and if you really need to see more, click here to see how I roll.